I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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