She's JV to your varsity
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
