dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
