so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
