Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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