after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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