I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
