Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize