i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
