found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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