remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
