ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
