I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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