I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
