Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
