Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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