its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
