Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would fuck him just for his dog
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize