i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
