Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
two words: eviction party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
