so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
