Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
