Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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