Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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