I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
