No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
