zippers are such a cool invention
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
