just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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