we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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