Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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