Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
