Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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