Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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