He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
