Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
