In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
