There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They took my balls.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
