awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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