that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
