Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
