she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
