I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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