but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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