How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
