Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
