Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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