Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
