Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
