Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
