Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
